Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Break-Up


I've been debating about whether or not to share this with all of you wonderful readers, as I try and keep this blog lighthearted and upbeat as much as possible.  But, over this weekend, my boyfriend and I broke up.  There were some things about the relationship that weren't healthy or good for either of us.  I thought that the fact that we still love each other and shared something really special was enough to get us through it all, but he didn't see that possibility, and after having the time to think about it and talk it out, I agreed and saw it in that way, too.  Sometimes my cheerful nature and optimism makes me idealistic and blind to what's really happening, and all of my optimism and my faith in what we had wasn't enough to keep us together.


Though it sucks right now, and nobody likes to cry and feel a loss like this, breaking up with him is best in the long run.  I'm at a significant crossroads in my professional life, and will be moving and starting fresh in May.  Before the break-up, I had been dragging my feet about starting this new chapter in my life, because I knew that it would be difficult to maintain a solid relationship with him while still doing what I needed to do for myself.  Now, I am viewing this impending move and career promotion as being a chapter that is exciting and filled with possibility (including a kind-hearted, family-oriented, hard-working, friendly and sociable, hilarious and silly, brunette and bearded man who can provide what I need emotionally and will open up for me to do the same... not asking for too much, right, hehe?).  


In the meantime, I'm going to use these next few months as a time to do all the legwork needed to ensure that I'm as prepared as possible for this new chapter, and to reignite some friendships that I let slide (I have ladydates planned for every day this week!).  I'm sure the process of all this will have its ups and downs, but there's this really fantastic support system of friends and family, all such amazing and kind people, who will be right there with me as I try and figure it all out (including my amazing mom who has talked to me for hours, my friend and neighbor who let  me stay with her last night, and one very dear friend who already offered up a double date for me to have with her, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's coworker who is, apparently "perfect for you."  We'll see about that, but it's sort of nice that the possibilities are looking fun already).  I hope that all of you great blog friends will share pieces of this journey with me, too, as this community is another source of support and positivity that I can really use right now!


So, in closing of this super-personal and emotional blog post (I promise fun crafts and fashion will return to this page ASAP!), I want to ask you ladies a question, as a way to instill hope in me.  If you can bear to share it, could you tell me about a time when you were brokenhearted and how you found happiness, or how you met the person who turned out to be your true love, after you lost that person who you thought was "the one"?  I could really use to hear about how "everything happens for a reason" right now.


Thanks, you guys!


(Image via: Dulop on etsy)

74 comments:

  1. It sounds like you're already being pretty optimistic about the break up. I wish the best for you! Enjoy the single life, girls nights out, and casual dating. I'm sure you will find you perfect dark haired bearded man that is funny and loves family when the time is right.

    I dated a lot of women and one guy before meeting my husband. Nothing too serious but my ex boyfriend and I had the most terrible relationship that lasted nearly three years. There was a lot of physical and mental abuse and it took a long time for me to realize I was better than that. Once I met Evan my entire world changed. No one can make me as happy as he can now.

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  2. I thought my first boyfriend was "the one." Granted, I was young but he and I had something special. Then we broke up.

    I dated a few other guys but never thought they would transpire into anything great. I dated one guy and when that didn't work out, I thought well, there's another one. But then I started dating his roommate and three years later we're still together and talking of marriage and babies.

    It hasn't always been easy. We even broke up for a few months earlier this year. But after a miserable few months for both of us, we realized we needed to work together to make it work so we try really hard now to work as a team.

    And good for you! I don't know how many stories I've heard of women following a man instead of their dreams only to regret it years later. Seems like you're already on the right path. :)

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  3. Oh Melissa! I can honestly say that I know what you're going through, and that you sound like you are in an incredibly wonderful state-of-mind already! My hubby was my second boyfriend... when I met the first one, I thought that I had met my true love and that we'd be married and live happily ever after. In my mind I was so happy with him and life was perfect, but my family and friends said that I seemed like I was miserable and encouraged me to step back and re-evaluate the relationship. It was the hardest thing that I had ever done, and it took about 4 months for me to truly let him go and think clearly. As soon as I did, I saw the relationship for what it was... and how unhappy I really was.

    A few months after that I met David, and it was so immediately clear that he was the man that God had intended for me to be with. He's the one that I can be completely transparent with and he encourages me to pursue the things that I hold most dear.

    Hang in there, girlie! God has an awesome plan for your life... Have you ever heard the Reliant K song "Let it all out"? It totally helped me get through my break up, and looking back, the lyrics are so true!:

    And you said I know that this will hurt
    but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
    If the burden seems too much to bear
    Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

    Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book! Hope something I said helps you :]

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  4. Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. Even when you know things are wrong and you know you're making the best decision, it's still hard. I think what you're doing and your attitude towards it all is wonderful. It was after I broke up with my last boyfriend that I really found myself and really rediscovered my friendships. I think you're going to find this new chapter is a fantastic one.

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  5. Oh dear sweetie, I am sorry but its something that everyone goes through. Senior year of high school, my boyfriend broke up with me and I thought I would cry for days but I ended up meeting someone my first year of college and that person is now my husband. Its a common theme, but everything does happen for a reason

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  6. Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear this. The pain will be here for a while, I can't tell you how long. But you know what, you're going to be O-K. It's not the end of the world. Your future looks bright. You CAN start a new chapter of your life. You're being given the opportunity through your promotion. So don't look at this break up negatively. You have a wonderful support system. Go have fun. Go out with your girlfriends. Meet new people. Go flirt around. There is nothing holding you back.

    During high school I was totally into the "bad-boys" and I crazily thought that he was THE ONE. When I found out he cheated on me 9 months into our relationship, I was angry, I was sad, I felt betrayed. But I thought about it, HE allowed me to see that I could do so much better. I deserve someone who genuinely cares about me. And to this day, ironically, I am thankful for the opportunity he gave me, because that's how I met my fiance.

    Honey, you'll get through this. No break up is ever the same. Feelings are different for everyone. We're all hear for you.

    xoxoxo,
    Justine
    Just Better Together

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  7. I broke up with my ex a year ago and I was broken hearted but there were so many things wrong with the relationship and he wasn't a nice guy.

    I've been on a few dates since but nothing serious. To be honest I'm not looking for a guy right now and they do say love finds you when you least expect it.

    Use this time to think about yourself and your future. Being single helps you grow as a person and I'm so much more confident because I know I can be happy on my own. :)

    It's hard at times but everything will be ok eventually. *hugs* xxx

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  8. Sending lots of warm and happy thoughts your way, dear! :)

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  10. darling,
    i'm so sorry to hear about this but let me tell you something... everything DOES happen for a reason and life has never given me a reason to think otherwise.
    Before I met sean i had met a couple guys who seem to have what i though i "wanted" but would never make it to the next step because something would always come up that would make me realize that they wouldn't make me happy. I almost started thinking that maybe such a guy (one that fit each and every description on my list) didn't exist.... and then Sean walked into my life (it was so unexpected). This man, as I discovered through time, possessed each and every item on my "list" and so much more! things i never thought significant on a man. in other words even the image of the "perfect" man i had in my head came short to who God put in my path. everything will be perfectly fine doll. i promise you.

    xoxox

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  11. So, I spent about 20 mins on my first comment and it was TOO BIG and disappeared. I will summarize:
    The best advice I have found and that I wish I would have followed a little closer is here:
    http://megsmumbo.com/?p=550
    Also, read "He's just not that into you". The movie doesn't count.
    Rely on your friends, but don't use them as a crutch. Allow yourself to let the sadness go for awhile and go out and do something fun. This can be just as therapeutic as crying about it will be!
    Cut all communication with him. I don't care how hard it is, the alternative is much. MUCH worse. My ex and I dragged it out for months, making it so much worse on both of us and now we aren't even on speaking terms.
    Don't be crazy. For me, I spent 4 months wasted hanging out with cowboys. Just realize that it is a distraction and sooner or later, you have to deal with those feelings.
    Give yourself time. They don't disappear over night, and you will be reminded of him no matter how much time passes. Just remember that it was an experience in your life, and that relationship helped make you who you are today. Appreciate it for what it was, and try to let the rest fall away.
    When the right guy comes along, you will wonder why you wasted so many kisses and tears on what's his name. Just don't try and rush it! You'll meet the right guy when your supposed to.
    I've been there and done it all wrong, so I know what mistakes will cripple you. Send me a message if you ever want to talk!
    nmortham@gmail.com

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  12. Oh..that sucks my dear. :( But at least you could have something to look forward to, right?

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  13. I thought my second boyfriend was someone I'd be with forever, I was 18 and he was 26. For the longest time I was completely blind to the many MANY MANY flaws and lies and awful things he did (I'm sure nothing in your relationship was that terrible- I was really stupid) and then he cheated on me. By that time I knew we werent going to last long after all, but I was still so so hurt, and had become so close with his family, and him with mine. The best thing about the whole break up, was that I got a new job around the same time. Having that big life change helped HUGELY- I always feel like those new-job opportunities are a big chance to do a little self-reinventing, and that was exactly what I needed. I'd suggest doing something new (even just an activity), meeting new people, and working on your relationships with everyone else in your life (even if you've always been great at that balance, youre bound to have even more time for them now). Things will totally, totally get better, but I really believe you have to actively make them improve. Feeling sad etc. is totally okay, as long as you're taking steps forward too. I have the most fantastic boyfriend now and the thought of us breaking up... yup, I'd definitely be a mess. But at the same time I know that the skills and experiences I had while single between that psycho ex and this relationship... I really would be okay if that happened. Be 100% selfish, look after yourself and have lots and lots of fun.

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  14. Well i'd offer up advice but girl you're already on the right track! I've been through 3 breakups in my personal life, all my exes did the breaking up and all of them I've remained amicable with. I am hopeful and from the sounds of it, you two see each other in a positive life. Keep your head up, know he is not the one, understand the one is out there but he'll only find you when you're not looking and in the meantime, live.it.up. I just adored being single. have a blast lady because someone is going to sweep you off your feet in no time!

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  15. Harrison and I dated for 5 years. We had talked about marriage, named our future dogs, and named our future kids. His mom had walked me through their house to tell me what furniture he and I would inherit. We were miserable but thought that we owed it to the relationship to stick it out. 5 years was 3 years too many when I look back at it. We were very passionate and so it felt "right" when things were going well, but things wouldn't go well just as often as when they did. Our breakup was hard. Neither one of us was fully committed to it. Both of us felt like we had lost our best friend.
    But at the same time it was a breath of fresh air. Weight fell off my shoulders, and I knew that even though it hurt and I missed him, that I enjoyed life so much more without him.
    I gained a confidence I hadn't known. And I think that confidence made me very appealing to a lot of other people. I had several very fun relationships after that, none of them too serious. And then somehow I ended up dating one of my "just friends" and I actually almost didnt go through with it because I was afraid of losing the friendship, or falling for him like I knew I would and maybe the love wouldnt be returned. Two years later, we were married :)

    My advice. Enjoy being single. it has its painful moments, sure, but so does any stage of life. And single is so much fun. I say live it up. Enjoy every minute. The next stage will come all the more quicker if you aren't wishing life in this moment away.

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  16. I'm so sorry. Everything happens for a reason. Enjoy your single life for as long as possible. That's my best adv ; )

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  17. Hang in there. Breakups are tough, but it sounds like you have a healthy attitude and outlook on what just happened and that's a major part of the battle. Before my current bf (the chef!) I had an 8 year relationship and when it ended it was incredibly difficult. But I survived - with an outlook very much like yours. And I know you will come through brilliantly as well! :)

    xoxo,
    Carrie

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  18. Melissa I am so sorry. You wrote a beautiful post about it though, and you are a strong person.
    I am so glad that you are looking forward. xoxox

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  19. I just want to say that my thoughts are with you. Your positive attitude is beyond admirable, and I know that it will take you far. Take care :)

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  20. Aweh. I am sorry, breakups suck so so so so so bad! I always try to stay friends with my ex's though ( I am just that kind of person) BUT the best advice EVER I got, was from my teacher and she told me "you live your life, and he will live his life, and if your lives cross paths again, that's good, but if they don't that's okay too." I hope that helps.

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  21. Melissa, I'm sorry sorry to hear about your break-up. Even though we've never met in person, my heart sank as soon as I saw the title of your post. :-(

    But I'm also glad to hear that it looks like there are exciting things ahead of you in other aspects of your life! As for the "everything happens for a reason" thing, I do have to say I think that perhaps that reason is so that you can focus on this new chapter of your life.

    I actually married my very first boyfriend, but only after a really painful break-up. We dated for 2 years in high school, and he was my best friend before that. But as much as our break-up sucked, it meant I went to college unattached, got a chance to date other people, etc. We got back together while in college, and we're both still really close to a guy I dated when we were in college. (That relationship didn't work out, but he's an awesome guy and my husband even asked him to be in our wedding. Crazy, I know, but it all worked out for the best and I feel super lucky to have both my husband and my ex-boyfriend in my life!)

    Anyway, moral of the story is, things work out in weird, unexpected ways, and going through things that hurt just make us appreciate it that much more when things are good! Also, "ladydates" as you put it, are awesome. Keep those up, regardless of whether you're in a relationship. :-)

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  22. i met my now-husband after i had sort of given up on finding a good boyfriend. i had dated a lot of losers and gone through a few dry spells which lowered my self esteem (stupid, i know), and i had sort of given up. then i met josh and we became really good friends, and then dated and got married. for the whole story, you can search my blog. this is a good post about how i feel everything happens for a reason: http://yourstrulydear.blogspot.com/2010/01/new-years-post.html

    best of luck my dear. i know things are tough, but you are absolutely amazing and you can get through it on top. when you are ready in your life the right one will come along. sending lots of love your way!

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  23. Oh Im so sorry :( Hang in there, you have a great attitude and outlook and that will get you through this!

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  24. I'm sorry to hear about the break-up, but it sounds like it is opening you up to the upcoming changes in your life, which is always good! Sometimes it takes something crappy to make you excited about all the good things you have to look forward to. Good luck chicadee!

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  25. Glad to hear about the career promotion and oh breakups are never easy right (though it's good you realize it's for the better)

    I've had tough breakups but time and friendship helped immensely.

    I also tried to do eHarmony and they told me I did not fit in one of their profiles and was unmatchable! Seriously! But I ended up meeting my husband at a Superbowl party not too long after. You never know :)

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  26. Oh Melissa! I am so sorry to read about this. I just wish I could run over with a pint of ice cream and give you a big hug. You have got the right idea, pouring yourself into your friends, family, and career is exactly what you should do right now. Pay some extra attention to yourself too. I had a couple multi-year relationships before I met Mr Hubs, and after my last one I vowed to be single and focus on myself. As soon as I stopped looking for Mr Right, he fell in my lap. Literally! I mean it! We were playing laser tag with a group of college friends and lets just say I ended up with a bloody nose and 3 weeks later we were engaged!!! We have been together for 6 years and married 5 of those and blissfully happy. You will find the one for you, but my best advice is not to look for him but look for you and it will just happen. So you might not be familiar with it but one of my favorite songs about this is Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers"

    I came over here to tell you I finished my little guy's owl costume, only to read the sad news. I am sorry! I am here if you need anything! :)

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  27. So sorry to hear. But the fact that you realize that you weren't right for each other puts you way ahead of the game. The fact that you don't need closure will help out a lot. You sound like a strong, smart, fun woman and I know you're going to be fine!

    For me, I find that staying occupied always helps. I tend to feel sad when I am alone to think. Sounds like you have a bunch of great friends who are going to be there to help you through it!

    Sending good thoughts your way!!

    And congrats on the new professional chaper :D

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  28. I thought I was with The One about a dozen years ago, we were together a few years, and he cemented that thought when he proposed. Yep, engaged, it was bliss! And then one day he called me at work (at work!!) and told me "he couldn't do this anymore, sorry". Dumped me, un-engaged, wedding planning stopped, and I was at work. It took me a couple years to get over him. Sucked. But, I thank him now because I am with The One and life truly is bliss . . . so, I know how hard it is to break up. It hurts and it takes your heart a long time to heal. But it will heal. And this new chapter is just a door opening for you and your true love to meet. :)

    I'm so sorry you are going through this pain right now. Hugs my friend!

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  29. ohhh, melissa, I'm super sorry to hear about this. Don't feel bad about sharing something so big going on in your life, either! I think you have some amazing ladies following you and their words will be so uplifting to you! which you deserve. I think going through a breakup and dealing with the hurt and rejection and all of that can be the worst - and it will be sad. and you are allowed to be sad and to cry - just don't forget that - you definitely need to take time to get that out. And then time will pass and you'll wake up feeling better one day and you'll know something has shifted and that all will be well. It seems like you already have the knowledge that this is good for you. Keep your head up friend.

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  30. Although it is heartbreaking right now, it sounds like you guys made a decision for the best and you will find happiness again. Whether it is because of love or your life in general. It can take time and it's important to be okay with that. Better to get any sadness you have out of your system and go through the process, rather than letting it bubble up in spurts. It's hard for me to give you much more because I married my high school sweetheart at 19. I had a couple heartbreaks in my young life and of course, looking back, they definitely were not the "one". So maybe that gives you some hope. You will grow and change and be a different and better person and look back without much memory of the heartbreak. Rediscover yourself and the things that make you happy!

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  31. Aww Melissa I'm so sorry. I know you say it's the best thing, but it still sucks all the same.
    I'm glad you see being so positive with everything though; that's the best thing now.
    Umm as far as break up stories go, I'm not sure mine is very helpful, but I'll share it anywho. After breaking up with someone I felt was the one (Absolutely wasn't, and I was far too young to even know what finding the one even felt like) I was sulky and upset for ages and then he got with someone else and that helped absolutely nothing. Then literally, just one day a month or so later, I just woke up and literally thought, I'm sick of this now. Get up and get on with your life. There just seemed to be this kind of click in my head that suddenly said, "ooop! Your body's had enough of this, off you go outside!" And off I went.
    I'm not sure if that story is of any help at all, I just know that one day, it'll be okay. And you're going to just fine too, I can tell. =]
    So, I know I'm your usual source of owl goodness, so maybe this will cheer you up in the meantime? I saw this and straight away though...hmm I sure hope Melissa's porch looks like that on Halloween!
    Hope you're feeling better soon, lovely. x

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  32. ...Oh Dear, I managed to forget to share the link. *Sigh*

    http://blog.craftzine.com/archive/2010/10/brett_baras_45-pound_owl-o-lan.html

    x

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  33. My husband (now ex husband) one day decided that he wanted to be an amazing photographer. And that I "didn't really fit into his plans" I was heartbroken. Remembering all of our plans for our future together as he was telling me about his new found love for the art and the new life he wanted to have. I thought things would never get better. It honestly felt that way. For months. I still remember how embarrassing it was to tell my family. And like you I thought that since we were together for so long and had gone through so much together, that we would be together forever. I had to sit and see all of the details and although that was extremely hard, I could see that there were so many faults in our relationship and that it really was best for both of us. And life DID go on. And I found out so much about myself. Things I'm not sure I would have discovered if we were still together. I truly love him for giving me the chance to have a different life. I have been able to experience things I never even dreamed of. Moving to another country! And meeting a man who I love so much. I couldn't be happier with my life at the moment. I admire you so much for your bravery and for posting your story. I think you are going to do great things. It sounds like you have some great experiences ahead. Sending you my blogging love <3

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  34. Oh Melissa :( I'm sorry about this but you have such a positive outlook.

    You know, I met my hubby a few weeks after my ex bf and I broke up. It was horrid timing but we ended up being best friends. So I'm sure the right guy will come along.

    I really hope you are well! *hugs*

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  35. Oh, Melissa, I'm so sorry that you are feeling that way right now. Sometimes we postpone the inevitable just to avoid that feeling of loss, even though we know it's coming. I've had many, many, many, MANY break-ups (haha), and they all stunk. I've been married to the love of my life for over 11 years now, and when I hear the song "Broken Road", I am encouraged every time that each failed relationship had a purpose and ended up bringing me to the one amazing man that would truly be 'the one' and make the others look like just a detour. Be encouraged in knowing that your 'one' will be more than you could ever hope for :D

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  36. I'm sorry to hear that! But you're such a postive person, full of life, I'm sure you'll bounce right back and be better for it xoxox!

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  37. I'm so sorry to hear this! Here is my sad but happy ending story:

    I liked this guy from 10th grade on and reconnected with him my sophomore year in college. We started hanging out and becoming intimate and I was in heaven because I thought this was leading to a more serious relationship and I had wanted to be with this guy for what seemed like forever. Unfortunately, I find out that he doesn't want anything serious in college (typical college boy) and leaves me to wonder what could have been. I was truly upset but 5 months later, I was introduced to the guy that would turn out to be my husband, so as much as I wondered what could have been, I know what is now which is I have a best friend and love of my life :)

    Things will get better, I promise. Until then, keep your friends close and keep busy!

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  38. breakups are never easy but sometimes (it seems like this) they are for the best... keep your head up and your standards high! xo.

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  39. Ohhh,sweetie I am so sorry to hear that. Please dont feel bad for sharing it with us...I think its better to share because this way you can get a clearer point of view...I hope you will be ok and just take your time...dont rush into stuff or emotions...Its ok to feel the way you feel...I know you will be fine..you are one of the most fun and happy people around:)
    hugs,sweetie

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  40. I'm very sorry to hear about the break up! You do sound like you're thinking about things in a healthy way, though.

    I once started dating my best friend (which I now know is pretty much always a bad idea), and it wasn't a healthy relationship at all. We work as friends, but something about mixing in romance makes our relationship volatile. We were off and on for a few months, and looking back on it now, I wasn't even that attracted to him romantically; I think I just was lonely and wanted to know someone cared about me. It was just bad. When we finally broke up for good, was the one who initiated it, and I remember feeling like someone had removed a cancer from me. I felt much lighter.

    A few months later, at my New Years Eve party actually, I met my current boyfriend, who is without a doubt the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. BUT, I had just made a resolution to not date anyone for a while, since I had just come out of a bad relationship. So the next morning when he called me and asked me out, I told him I'd make an exception, but that I didn't normally accept date offers unless they were in person. He said he understood, and scared the hell out of me by showing up at my house 20 minutes later to ask me out. That's how I really knew this guy would be ok. :)

    You sound like you're on the right path. Take care of you right now, and don't forget that you're amazing and beautiful and on your way to something wonderful. <3

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  41. Chin up, chick! I thought I was settled with my last boyfriend, we'd been living together for two years and were talking of moving to a new city. For a million reasons (some of which had been creeping up on me for a while, some of which hit me right in the face out of nowhere one day) I decided not to go through with it, and we broke up. I was devastated, not to mention homeless, but I just put my head down and got on with life. Only a few months later I was on the last train home with a friend, we were joking around as usual, when we noticed the guy sat opposite us was giggling - he thought we were funny, he thought I was cute, we got chatting, it turned out he lived in the same area as us, I liked his jacket and his sexy voice...fast forward two years later and he's everything I want in a partner - in the truest sense of the word. I used to think I was kidding myself dreaming about somebody attractive, funny, intelligent, creative, stylish, into movies and music, and who is there for me and supports me and makes me feel confident and secure. They do exist, and you really never know when or where you might bump into them x x

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  42. I followed you here from "After I do" and I'm very glad that I did, though I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your breakup. Having experienced one of my own a year ago with someone I dated for six years I can only offer the following advice: It does get better. The heart does heal. And you will come out so much better for it on the other side. I have started dating a bit here and there but have spent the last few months working on improving MYSELF which I really thought was the most important. I have immersed myself in yoga, going to see live music, reconnecting with old friends, writing/blogging... and I feel like my old self again. I'm not waiting around for Mr. Right but have met many wonderful Mr. Right Nows and that's fun, too :)

    You have a lot of changes going on in your life at the moment, which are all very exciting, and it seems that you realized that you would find yourself having to make some pretty big decisions about the future of your relationship at one point or another. You are already on the right path and I wish you all the best of luck in the world. I am your latest follower and can't wait to see how your adventure unfolds.

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  43. I wish I could give you a great cure for the heartache that you're feeling right now...I don't have a cure, but I do have a good way to dull the pain a bit...dance party. Sounds hilarious and a bit ridiculous, but it will work. Get your girlfriends all over and spend the night baking, dancing and watching great action flicks. None of that sappy romance stuff! Watch Charlie's Angel's...anything where a girl is kickin' butt.

    You will get through this and come out an even stronger lady, I know it :) You are such a sweetheart, meaning that there is someone out there for you who is utterly perfect. It will happen again, and in an even bigger and better way, I promise.

    Oh, and don't hold it in. Let yourself cry. It's our heart's way of coping through the body, so don't hold back! Screaming works too, haha.

    xo
    jackie

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  44. I feel your pain Melissa, my boyfriend and I broke up this weekend as well. While it was a mutual choice and I know in the long run it will be for the best, I know it's going to be very hard to get used to being single (we dated for nine years!). It's made me feel a lot better to see all these comments from people who lost the man they thought was "the one" only to move on an find their real Prince Charming! Just try to keep busy and focus on all the other positive things in your life, that's what I'm doing!

    Big Hugs, Katrina

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  45. oh sweetie!!!! well that took guts to share this with us! i am so so sorry to hear about you and your boy but reading this i feel that you are on your way to a great future and you have such an amazing positive attitude! you are an inspiration, my dear! when many girls out there would sit around and be sad (not like that is bad...i would totally do the same thing), you have twisted it and made it a good thing! i really think that is best attitude you could have! if you need to talk you have my email...anything i can do to help! you are such a wonderful person and i am so thankful to have you as a buddy! sending you a BIG bear hug!!!!

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox,
    cb

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  46. Breaking up is never easy, but I'm so proud of you! I know...sounds a little silly since I don't know you in real life, but the fact that you're putting your needs and goals ahead of a relationship (no matter how great the guy is) is fantastic!! So many of us (myself included) passed up great career/life opportunities to stay in a relationship. It's rare that guys ever make such daunting sacrifices! You are currently nurturing the only relationship that matters...the one with yourself. Everything else will fall into place if you keep doing that :) Oh yea... and friends are important during tough times like these! Not just for a shoulder to cry on, but for a bit of fun and distraction! Good luck to you in this new chapter!

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  47. I met my husband after a major break-up with the man I thought was The One... The heart mends and life moves on, especially when you have a natural segway into something new. Whatever you do, I hope you stay the cheerful, optimistic, lovely person that you are.

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  48. Oh Melissa! I am so sorry to hear this! Thank you for sharing here - I find personal posts harder to write and so in awe you could share so honestly and write so beautifully, despite everything! Please take good, good care...and do take all the time you need! No matter the circumstance, a breakup is never easy, and so be gentle on yourself.

    I've walked that walk too, dear, and I think in the end, the best thing I did for myself was throw my energy and efforts into myself. Ii know it sounds kinda selfish...Developing myself professionally (thanks to the breakup, I got motivated to return to grad school and take classes in things that I wanted to do, but always felt a little intimidated before), spending wonderful hours upon hours with amazing friends and family, taking lots of moments alone to enjoy my own company. Letting other people help me (which is always a challenge b/c I like to be independent). All those things made a big difference, looking back. And just when I got to the point where I was so comfy with myself and my own company (and even thinking, gee, wouldn't it be nice if this phase of my life went on forever...), unexpectedly someone amazing came into my life! (I don't know, maybe when you project happiness and enjoyment of your own company, others will gravitate to it :)). I am sending you an enormous virtual (HUG) today, and sending many good wishes for the day, the week, and many more weeks to come!! All the best, --Jude

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  49. oh melissa i hope your okay, it's good that you can see the positive sides of it aswell thought it means you're thinking rationally and not just consumed with being upset. have a night in or out with the girls, some good movies, ice cream and lots of cheesy dancing and music!
    xxx

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  50. Oh, Melissa! I'm sorry to hear you're suffering right now, but I'm sure that you have both taken the smartest decison here. You're a great, kind and creative person, I'm sure you'll find your other half :). Use all your energy on this new project you told us about and on doing creative things.

    As for my own experience, well, I only had one long and demanding relationship before David. We were doomed to fail but it took me 4 years, four long years to finally make up my mind and put an end to this torture. I even took some violent episodes just because I thought nobody else was ever going to love me. And I think he totally took me for granted. To cut along story short, breaking up with this guy was the best thing that could've ever happened to me! I'm grateful to have experienced this relationship, because I know that if I hadn't, I'd have probably not met David; who is the kindest man I've ever met! I thought I couldn't be loved and I was so wrong! David not only loves me but has taught me to love myself. I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

    In sum, my dear Melissa, embrace this time you have for yourself. It'll be a fun journey of introspection. Enjoy doing things you didn't do when you were with your ex-boyfriend; meet friends, go out, dance, have no timetables to do whatever you want to do! And take enough time before you start dating other guys. Go for it whenever you feel you're ready because it's not fair to offer your broken pieces to your possible other half, right? The healing process depends on every person; you're a smart girl, don't mourn for too long, k? ;-) You'll be a stronger and happier girl soon! I promise! And if you're not, well, head over to California (once I've moved, haha), so we can hang out together! I don't have friends there yet, so we could do lots of fun things, hehe.

    Super tight hug, girl! Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, al right? I mean it! =)

    Miki.

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  52. hiya my advice get some dark chocolate for endorphins straight away!!!! and get ur favourite song on the stereo...take a wooden spoon/ microphone...get on the table (if theres room) and sing and dance for your life until u can't help smiling (even if its just a little tiny 1 at how silly you might look) think about how much better u understand yourself than anyone else does and thank your lucky stars u got yourself to rely on. I frequently dance my troubles away on the counter at work when Im (foolishly) left to man the place i hope it works if u give it ago. cheer up
    peach

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  53. About 6 years ago I told my ex husband I wasnt happy and we were both still young and had a chance at happiness for both of us. So I filed for divorce... it was the hardest thing I have ever done. 3 days after the official divorce I met my current husband. Now I have 2 beautiful babies and wonderful marriage and I couldnt be happier!!

    It will get easier.

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  54. i'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. it's heartbreaking to read, but as you are a truly kind-hearted person, it's no surprise you have a solid network of supporters.

    i hope you find the kind of happiness you search for (and deserve). i think i'm still on that journey, but i believe we will all get there one day.

    <3

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  55. Aww, Melissa, I'm so sorry things didn't work out between you and your boyfriend. I do believe that sometimes things happen for a reason, too. Your life will be full of new and interesting things soon, and he'll be missing out.

    Here's my story. This guy at work (Ryan) had been chasing me, and being lonely, I fell for him. He was ALL WRONG for me and I think I knew it and just didn't want to admit it to myself. We dated for about six weeks, and the last week he "disappeared" on me. I'd try to talk to him at work, even, and he'd ignore me. Having gone through this sort of thing about 8 years previously with my first boyfriend, I knew we were at the end of our relationship.

    One night my friend, Kris, invited me to go out for his birthday. I wasn't sure I should go (mostly because I had a HUGE crush on him and was still involved with Ryan). But then I said "I'm not gonna sit at home again, crying over the boyfriend who won't talk to me!" So I went out that night with friends, and Kris and I ended up dating (of course, AFTER Ryan had officially dumped me).

    Kris and I have been together for two years now, and we're planning our wedding for next summer. I could not be happier! I'm so glad things didn't work out with Ryan. He would not have been able to make me this happy.

    I agree that you may need some time on your own, though. My situation was different because I wasn't "in love" with the wrong guy. (I think the fact that he dumped me took a bigger toll on my pride than my heart.) Take your time to try and heal your broken heart, first. Have lots of fun being free and young.

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  56. I'm so sorry. Breakups are never easy, even when it's the right thing to do. :(

    Believe me, I've cried more tears about breaking up with ex's, but thankfully, that journey led me to my husband! I met him just a few days after I had lost faith and pretty much given up on ever meeting the right person.

    Hang in there - I bet good things are right around the corner!

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  57. I'm so sorry, darling, and I'm impressed at the strength and insight you so clearly have in this situation. We've all dated someone we cared very much for but ultimately weren't right for, and you're going to be so glad to find yourself again before you meet that handsome, dark-haired guy. Take a week for yourself, then head to Brewers and go have yourself some fun!

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  58. I'm so sorry to hear that hun! Break ups are hard but I am 100% a believer in what's meant to be will happen. If this relationship wasn't right then it has to end so you can find who you are meant to be with. Don't look for someone else, concentrate on you and your own projects and you'll find that person without looking!

    For now it's ok to be sad. Just give yourself some time to be sad and get back on your feet in your own time! You are lovelyand so inspirational! If you want an ear to listen... You have my email xxx

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  59. you are DEFINITELY not asking for to much. It takes alot of strength to end a relationship and it seems like you are handling it well. I hope you have fun on your week long girly dating spree :)

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  60. Hi, Melissa! I'm so sorry to hear your news, but I know you'll be fine and so many people have shared so many inspiring stories that it's hard not to feel comforted. If you ever feel like meeting up for a Sunday afternoon craft session over coffee, let me know! My husband and I went to Baltimore this past weekend and loved it. I looked at your list of recommended places to check out before we went, and we spent a very fun afternoon in Hampden, so thanks!

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  61. I'm sorry to hear that :o( You'll be ok promise! Big hugs coming your way! x

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  62. Oh man, it must be something in the water... My long term & I broke up ~3 weeks ago. I haven't really had the courage to blog about it; mostly because I'm not good at writing down actual feelings.

    It's funny, but I consider myself terrific at breakups. My best tip is, avoid all radio, you'll hear one too sappy love song & it will all be crumbling down!

    & remember that you shouldn't dwell on sadness when there is nothing you can do to change it, you might as well be happy. :) Who wants to be sad?

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  63. So sorry to hear the news, breaking always sucks regardless of the circumstances. Best wishes, it can only go up from here.

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  64. Aw Melissa I'm really sorry that you are going through this right now. I know that you will find an amazing and perfect guy for you (probably when you least expect it) and it will make you forget about all of the pain that you are feeling right now. When you meet the perfect guy it will be WORTH the pain that you are going through, because you will be so incredibly happy. I'm so glad that you have family and friends to help you out right now, and you have everyone who reads your blog! If you ever need to vent or just want to talk, feel free to e-mail me WHENEVER! I'm always there for you. I'm excited to see what this new chapter of your life holds for you and I'm so glad I get to come along on the journey by reading your blog. :) I know you are going to be SO happy in the very near future! I know right now it seems like you won't be happy again and everything is bringing up memories, but trust me, you will. You will get through this and be stronger and meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and you will be so happy that things worked out the way they did. The waiting sucks, but it is worth it! I hope you had an amazing day today. :)

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  65. Bless you, my thoughts are with you. I'm a true believer that we can withstand the hard times, as sunshine IS always round the corner, and it WILL get better, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

    I met my Hubby when I had stopped looking and was not thinking about a relationship.

    I wish you every kind thought right now, you deserve the best. Hugs xx

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  66. i would like to give you a hug because my god i have been there.. trust me i have. it has taken me about a year + "eat pray love" to FULLY get over my last relationship... and just the other day i heard he was seeing someone else and my heart did not jolt like i thought it would so that to me is a wonderful blessing.

    i guess it's true... that time heals all wounds because even after our breakup and immersed with who would now be my darling fiance... i remember thinking, why doesn't the pain hurt as bad as i thought? and then when you're not even expecting it... it hits you. and you can do nothing but cry and pour a glass of wine. and that's okay. because it DOES get better. and you will find someone when the time is right.

    isn't it a shame that sometimes love isn't enough? ...

    listening to your own heart is what works and so i'm proud you have.

    "let go of the life you had planned so you can have the life you were meant to."

    i'm here if you need anything! xoxo

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  67. ps. here is my break-up post...can you believe it still makes me cry reading it?

    http://dolcevitamicaela.blogspot.com/2009/01/nobody-can-say-we-didnt-try.html

    ooh another go-to movie? "the way we were."

    we are carrie girls! xo

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  68. I am so sorry to hear this! You sound like you have things together and a very healthy attitude about it.
    i think you will find that perfect family oriented bearded man and be happier than you ever knew was possiable.

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  69. So sorry to hear you are down, but I'm SOOO glad that when you realized it wasn't right, you parted. It's obvious that the two of you are actually adults! When it's not right, you definitely know, and living with that is just painful. It could have been even worse if you'd broken up later on down the road, so it's wonderful that you're able to move on now. I wish you the best in your big career move!

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  70. oh, i'm late catching up...
    hoping your heart is feeling strong.
    and, seriously, how cute is that plushie? goodness. if only breaking up felt so cute.

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  71. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about the breakup. I know it's hard now but if you think it's best in the long run, that's what matters. I hope you're doing okay. Thinking of you!

    xoxo
    Valerie

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  72. Oh my. I'm so sorry that I completely missed this post and did not leave comforting words until now. I'm sorry to hear about that and know how hard it is. I was with someone for a really long time before my husband and it was the hardest thing for us to part. I really thought we were meant to be and that we would make it forever. But he did not. We even tried again and again before we finally parted ways. After long contemplation and taking the time to truly find myself and realize what I wanted in life. I found that neither of us were ever happy and that we were trying too hard to make something work. We were also both different people in the end that needed some maturing. I say this now being that it was over 10 years ago.

    But the best thing that came out of it is that we are still friends and that we have grewn up into the people that we are based on the experiences that we had together. But we both will always keep each other in our hearts.

    <3 *hugs*

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  73. First off, I would like to say that I think you are a wonderful man. You are a truly an inspiration by the way you help people. The spell you cast to make Julius realize his feelings for me worked faster than I could have hoped for. He came to me 2days after you have casted the spell and told me everything I had been hoping to hear. I can not thank you more.... Now I can finally stop crying tears of pain and cry tears of joy! He is wonderful to me. Thanks Dr. Lametu of Ancientspiritualtemple@gmail.com

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